The Beef Jerky Conspiracy

For my first post this absolutely had to be the headliner.

Travel has always been a passion of mine. The idea of experiencing the world through another person’s culture and their customs has always fascinated me. Needless to say after I got the amazing opportunity to study abroad in Barcelona, Spain two years ago I was bitten by the travel bug. I thought I had seen it all and done it all after using Ryan Air( Still cringe when I have to think about it) and buses as my main forms of transportation to the nine different countries I got to travel to. But nothing had prepared me for what I like to call the “Beef Jerky Conspiracy”.

As a traveler I’m sure everyone knows there is the occasional lost bag, extended searches, and in some extreme cases all of the above. After a six hour flight from NY to LA and a flawless 13 hour flight ( is there really such a thing) I finally landed in New Zealand. I was excited and nervous and for the first time in 28 hours I had thought that I made the right choice( to fly to the other side of the world.. alone). I went through customs waited for my backpack (which thank god came without a hitch) and thought to myself wow this is really going quite smoothly…. Clearly I thought that far too soon.

As I go through the last security clearance I see a woman with a dog ( I can’t stand dogs but was surprisingly in a good mood and decided to approach the dog and give it a friendly pat) looking back I should have went with my instincts and never touched the rodent. Naturally the dog starts barking and I think nothing of it, the woman pulls me aside and asks to go through my bags… once again thinking nothing of it I smile and say of course. She starts to go through my things while asking me questions such as.. did you claim food products? Is there food in here? Are you sure there is no food in here? I continued to answer with a polite No, No, and NO. She gives me a strange look and pulls out the beef jerky I had bought in LAX to hold me over for the flight… the beef jerky I forgot I had.. the beef jerky I clearly forgot to throw out, and in this case claim on a written document to have. She gave me the most insane smiled bent over to pet the dog and whispered ( I kid you not) “ What a good boy, we got another one today, and right after one another, what a good boy.” I legit cannot forget these words because of the sheer creepiness and satisfaction in this woman’s voice ( Yikes)

Not knowing what was going on I ask the woman what was going to happen she replied with a snarky well you will get fined. This is a legal offense you signed a legal document stating that you never had this meat product and look it here you do( something along those lines). I start panicking I had only been in the country for less than 45 minutes and now I’m thinking they are going to tag me as some criminal or worse send me back home. That’s when the waterworks came.

I haven’t cried like that in a solid 4 months. They pull me aside and ask me to wait to see what their course of action will be. As im waiting I see a nice couple next to me. The woman had been crying and her husband looked beyond perturbed, so naturally I asked her "what did they get you for?"..... ( I wish I could make these things up) she turns to me and says “ I had beef jerky , and forgot to claim it” I looked like a literal insane person. I stated dying laughing and couldn’t stop the irony of the whole situation just was beyond anything I could have imagined.

She also happened to be on the same flight as me and sat three rows back. My life at that moment was to comical to comprehend. After the woman and her husband leave ( after paying a hefty fine) im still there waiting to meet my fate. I overhear one of the guys photocopying next to me talking about how people are being fined for a meat conspiracy… like really a conspiracy of meat?? did these people really think me and this random woman were harboring some kind of something in this mysterious … Beef Jerky?.

A kind older smaller and less intimidating woman came out to share the good news with me. That today I wont be getting deported ( my dreaded over irrational thinking came to this conculsion) but that I will be getting a slap on the wrist and most likely have stricter protocol next time I got through airport security … ALLELUIAH